i am not done changing

hello there, internet. Things have been weird lately, but here I am, in the flesh. Of course, my life has been hectic. Up and down, left and right, in and out, all over the place. I think what I’m slowly learning is that eventually you have to stop chasing happiness in other people and start looking for it and creating it within yourself. So, that’s what I’m going to do. After finally understanding how flurried up my priorities have been lately, I’ve decided once and for all that enough is enough. Not going to waste any more time looking for happiness anywhere but in myself.

I am in the process of growing, and am not going to stall this process of growing for people who are going to be inconsequential to me in a couple more years. And so, recognizing that I have my whole life ahead of me, i am going to be happy. The context: I have been smitten over something that I now realize is both stupid and also just unreachable.

I’m going to take better care of me. I’m going to work towards my goals and  my happiness. because if this is my last year of high school, I’m remembering it as the year where I achieved things. The year where I was happy. The year where I was filled with good memories, with good things only. With happiness, with determination, with something that I can only just describe as the right mixture of headstrong and hardworking. Nobody should ever dwell on a person. A person. That’s just not how it should go. No more messed up priorities. NO MORE, I TELL YOU. I’m just going to be me, and have fun, and focus on what will be the best for me. No distractions, no distractions.

There. That was my very vague declaration of positivity. I’m going to come back to read this again whenever I feel like I need a kick up the arse, but here’s my promise to myself- I am not done changing. So much more change is to come these next few years, and I’m up for that challenge. Throw it at me, I’m ready. I’m going to be proud of myself, eventually. And I will do whatever it takes to get there. I’m going to work, I’m going to laugh, I’m going to smile, I’m going to take care of myself.

I will sort myself out.

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2 comments

  1. BelleUnruh · May 3

    You have made a very, very good decision. We cannot find our happiness in other people. Impossible. People are too fucked up. You know I’m a Christian; I find my happiness in God.

    I’m having trouble today with happiness. I’ve had 4 nights in a row with nightmares and I’m sick and tired of it. I’m feeling pissed off and sad. BUT, I know when I talk it over with him again tonight and read some good quotes and start a good book, I’ll feel better. Happiness is just a feeling; it comes and goes with the wind. But you will do much better finding happiness in yourself than finding it in a human being.

    Liked by 1 person

    • queertasticblog · May 3

      Thank you so much 🙂 it makes me happy knowing that there’s someone who think my decision is for the best. Of course, I can’t expect to be happy constantly, but it’s always nice to know that relying on yourself for happiness is the best way to go 🙂 I hope you feel better soon, and thanks for reading! your comments always make my day ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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