Suddenly, You Smell Like Nothing

Stepping outside, and suddenly you’re there

Seeing the unfamiliar,

but we’re breathing familiar air.

Smiling a smile I haven’t seen for ages,

Like an old revisited book, we turn the pages.

I lost it when I saw you, and I ran.

One of the rare times I don’t run away, but toward.

Toward you. Maybe the hugs were awkward,

and perhaps they lasted a tad too long

but I didn’t care who was watching.

Not even your stupid, stupid, friends, because for once I can actually stand them

Maybe I owe you an apology for finding you warm

and comforting

and kind

and open

and oh, my gosh, you are a relief.

Thanks for remembering that I’m doing so well with my scars,

for checking that they’ve faded.

Thanks for being as accepting as ever,

and for laughing at me when required.

Suddenly, I miss you, so I inhale.

Maybe searching for the smell of you that used to be on your jacket,

the jacket I used to wear on late nights,

when I experienced an altogether different type of cold.

I inhale and find some foreign cologne,

and you suddenly smell like nothing.

Is this why we romanticize nothingness?

I can’t find my mind,

but I’m happy you stopped by.

Hello loves! It’s me, Queertastic 🙂 I know, I’ve been super duper MIA, it’s just cause exams are happening and my laptop got crunked! Well, I’m back now and my laptop is as well! (I’m finally complete. I was so empty without my laptop). Recently, my ex revisited. I haven’t seen him in six months, and yes, I was happy to see him- I was also confused, amused, oddly warm, and at the end of it I was convinced he snagged that special place in my heart. As a friend, as an ex, as a whatever- there’s always going to be this tiny corner just for him. This poem was just me trying to get things out as briefly as possible, I’ll possibly be posting about it later (not that anyone cares, but I want to get it all out of me nonetheless!) I’m aware this poem has no structure and NO direction but eh, as I said earlier, I had to get it out there.

The Strangest Metaphor You’ll Read This Week #3

So I’m doing this thing where I take the strange, weird metaphors that randomly come to me and putting them down here! If you want to check out my last one, you can find it here, it’s a personal favorite 😉  

Anyways, we’re comparing the passage of time to a statue my friend and I spotted at an MRT station (a train station in Singapore), on our way to watching La La Land, which was, Read More

Two Weeks From Valentines Day, & Where Am I?

Hello there lovelies! So I was originally going to write a post about a strange metaphor, but then remembered that today is the first day of February. A subsequent realization followed that we’re two weeks away from the fateful day of February 14th, Valentines Day. It’s also going to be during my exams (stressful, I hate exams and they always just put me out of it completely, I hate to think of all the all-nighters I’m going to have to pull) so two weeks from now I’ll be very, very busy. Well, I’m already busy, but it’ll be even more so in the weeks to come.

Realistically, I probably won’t be able to get the time to post during the week of doom or on Feb 14th itself, so I thought that I’d take the time to reflect right now. Two weeks away from Valentines Day, and I’m single. I’ll probably be single on Valentines Day too. It doesn’t exactly bother me, but it does dig up some old dust bunnies that I haven’t had to acknowledge in a long while. Last year on Valentines day, I was in a relationship. In fact, the second anniversary of said relationship will be on sixth February. That is, it would’ve been on the sixth, except there’s nothing really to celebrate now since it’s over. That being said, I never really did celebrate Valentines Day. I mean, my parents have never been thrilled with the idea of me dating, and have always made it clear that they wouldn’t condone it. As a result, it was quiet and not treated like a celebration. It was more so a marker for me to reflect on, a cue to look back on my romantic endeavors. I’ve learnt so much and walked away from so much, I’ve been walked away from and I’ve left a lot of memories trailing my track. I wish I could say that no regrets have shown up on this reflection, but that isn’t the case. The truth is regrets are unavoidable and they’re just part of reflection. To answer the question in the title of this mini rant, two weeks from Valentines Day. I’m single, but not unhappy. I’m a little all over the place, but it isn’t necessarily bad, it’s just human to be confused. I’m doing alright, and while there are ways to improve where I’m at right now, I think I’m doing okay, and working on getting better. Maybe I’m not head over heels in love with someone right now, and maybe I won’t be doe eyed in love on the eve of Valentines Day. Perhaps a few years down the line, it’ll be a different story, but for now, this is where I’m at.