So, I just visited Cambodia on a school trip. A week with people you love, hate, and grow with. Also, a week that I spent trying to cement my new relationship. A week I spent learning. There are so many moments of that trip that I want to put in a bottle, but here’s just a few.
On a boat. 64 teenagers on a boat, with music and drinks and pizza. It’s two hours of fun or exhaustion, depending on what kind of a a person you are. I spent my time hooked up to the arm of someone I’ve known for a few months. Someone I’m still trying to know. There’s breeze, there’s laughter, there’s bad EDM music below us, but between us there’s a somewhat peaceful silence as we stare out at the water. The unbroken silence overstays it’s welcome, however, and I break it with a bad joke. It’s okay though, because to love me you have to love horrible puns and cheesy romance. Right now, he’s got an unfair hold over me because of the way the lighting makes him look. “don’t fall in love with the moment and think you’re in love with the girl” Matty Healy’s voice flashes in my head, reminding me that surrounding myself with beautiful places and people is no substitute for falling into actual love. The genius of The 1975 sometimes scalds me with its honesty. I’m in love with this moment, but I can’t say yet that I’m in love with him. Him. He’s shy, sings to himself when he thinks no-one can hear, and our relationship is almost a cruel joke against him because he loves me but hates attention. Eventually, our friends pull us apart. Mine want dancing and his want banter and we both know we’ve got to go tick off our social rosters. I have fun dancing in a corner and he’s in the middle of a circle of friends. The lights are in harmony to the music and the waves. Right now, it’s way too easy for me to fall in love with this moment.
We’re on the plane back to Singapore. He’s next to me. He’s drawing, and I’m plugged in to my music, reading. But while doing our own things, we’ve got our arms linked and I’m leaning against him. Alone, but together. Ahh, it was amazing until in flight attendance asked us what meals we wanted. Darn. We spend the rest of the flight arm in arm, making jokes and never wanting the journey to end. I see the city lights below us, and without even thinking I say “damn, they’re beautiful”. He replies “just like you” and before I know it I’ve given him a kiss on the cheek because he’s freaking sweet. but as we’re all cuddled up together in the afterglow, I suddenly hear that line again. “Don’t fall in love with the moment and think you’re in love with the girl” (the ‘girl’ in this case is a boy, I know, but the line is profound okay so imma keep using it besides I’m bi so he could’ve been a girl xD). This realization kept hitting me, but I realized I was only a few moments away from falling in love with him. Fingers laced together, I’m in love with the moment. Loving the person may/may not follow, but at least for now it’s love with that moment that won’t ever die.
Just in case you wanna hear the piece of art that inspired this post, it’s “She’s American” by The 1975.