You Are Here.

Inspired by the streets of Mumbai, and the distinct feelings of both longing and distance.

You are here in the tired streets.

You are here,

haunting my sheets.

You are floating through the faded lights.

You are there throughout the midnight flights.

You are here, yes,

in all but blood and bone,

and you are screaming

through the dusty city sounds.

You are here, but I’m alone.

I can only hope,

in some corner of your own fatigued home,

I am there, and you, too, imagine me.

 

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For Orlando.

I made this poem in light of the recent and horrible crime against the LGBTQ+ community in Orlando. It’s ot the most fancy, editing se, because I’m so writing in the light of the very weak and limited Wi-Fi here on my holiday in India. I hope you guys like it, and more importantly I hope it gets the message across. Love, Queertastic.

How much more blood to be spilt
On the rainbow flag before we realise
We all bleed the same.
We all love the same.
The red on our flag must not represent bloodshed-
Nor should pride be an act of bravery
Orlando, I stand with you
I stand for you,
And while what happened has scared me
Many fears are necessary to conquer.

 

Romanticizing Self Harm.

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There’s a rant coming up, guys. A huge one. Be warned, though, because there will be triggering content in this post and I don’t want to trigger anyone 🙂 There are hotlines and cookies at the end of this post, take care!  ~Trigger Warning~

There’s been  lot of buzz around the self harm “trend” with teenagers these days, and I would just like to express my opinion on that, which is that it’s complete and utter bullshit. I mean, are you kidding me? Making a trend of self harm while there are people suffering in silence? I mean, come on, just look a9191c622808d7cf5e288dc0e3c244eaet the picture I’ve shown here (there are ones that are horribly graphic, they just make me so sad to see) Now, I’ve seen this happen first hand and the memories of it are saddening and almost disturbing. Let’s call this friend X, shall we? Okay, yeah, we’re calling her X. So I had slipped into a very horrid time where I was questioning my sexuality and I got into cutting and self-depreciation and all that shitty shit (whoa, impeccable use of adjectives there, don’t you think?). Now, me being me, I just decided to grit my teeth, slap on a few bracelets, get my trusty hoodie on, and call it a day. Well, call it a year. Because I was a cutter for one repulsive year, ugh. So anyway my whole ‘suffer in silence routine’ was interrupted one fine day when friend X comes up to me on Messenger and she tells me she cut that day. Obviously my first instinct was to give both support and advice, and to tell her I’d be there for her. Up till this point, she had no clue I cut and I never wanted to tell her. Anyway, we get to school and I  go to her in a hurry because duh, I want to fix her while it’s still early. For some reason she seemed intent on showing me her scars, and this was when I noticed it- an almost bizarre pride that she seemed to get from showing them to me. That’s when the shit show began. Slowly she started diagnosing herself- anxiety, depression, even stretching out to suggest she had bulimia. Guys, don’t get the wrong idea, I would never say she was faking it if I wasn’t sure, and that fucked up smile on her face she had when displaying her scars were more than enough for me. As somebody who used to cut, I knew right then it was the cry for a wrong type of attention.

That’s the first time I’ve seen self harm romanticized on a level that was very up close and personal. I won’t say I’m not guilty of scrolling through the tumblr quotes with pictures of sad girls and black and white blades. I have looked at them before, trying desperately to wrestle some beauty out of my misguided coping mechanisms. Here’s the catch- in no way did these sites ever influence me to start self harming, I can’t blame them for that mistake that I made. I started cutting all on my own, and that’s not the most pleasant thing to take credit for. However the romanticizing on these sites was from a community of misguided people just like me. A bunch of self harmers trying to justify their mistakes, their addiction? Yeah, there’s no way for that to end well. They gave me something to relate to in the most negative way possible, telling me it was okay and even beautiful to cut. It is not. What’s really beautiful is recovery, nothing can be more beautiful than that. Sure, call faded scars beautiful- they are a sign (mostly) of an attempt at recovery. but to tell the 15 year old girl who posts pictures of her open, bleeding self inflicted cuts on Instagram that her injury is beautiful is just going against her recovery. While I can’t emphasize enough that I am all for people accepting and loving their self harm scars, I cannot stand when people don’t accept that it was wrong of them to make those scars in the first place. Was my self harm something I regret? yes. Will I let that eat at my self esteem? no. But that philosophy is nowhere to be found on the sites of teenagers who want to romaticize something that is undoubtedly a problem.

tl;dr- Self harm is not cool, not a trend, and more importantly, never something to be proud of. Self harm is an unfortunate coping mechanism. To any self harmer who may be reading this, I love you and I can tell you you are worth recovery ❤

Thank you for reading! wanna check out more rants and weird attempts at poems and musings? My blog is open, and if you’re nice I’ll hand out cookies xD Anyways, if you’re currently struggling with depression and are feeling alone, take this free hug (click here and here and here for cute GIF s that send hugs from me to you ^^)and also a few hotlines, just in case.

Vent to an anonymous stranger- https://www.7cups.com

In case you’re feeling suicidal- http://suicide.org/

Hotlines for Depression specifically- http://addiction.lovetoknow.com/wiki/Depression_Hotlines