Vent- I Hate Fighting

I just need to vent right now after having a huge fight. With my boyfriend. And I’m wondering at the back of my mind if the scenario would’ve been any different if I wasn’t Bi. I’m in for a good session of doubting myself, get ready, WordPress!  This is the same boyfriend that I absolutely love and adore, the one that means the world to me. We’re over it now, the both of us were able to move on pretty quickly. But unlike him, I just need some time to recuperate. I don’t want it to seem like I’m dragging the fight on, though, so I’m just going to have to manage with a few private moments of recovery from something that’s already been resolved, just to let all the feelings die down a little. I don’t have any reason to be hurt, that’s just the way I am, feelings take a little longer to escape my system. I was debating over what to title this post. “Vent”? Or “Does Being Bisexual Affect My Relationship”? Or even just “I’m So Done Right Now”. That was an unnecessary bit of information that I might edit out later, or I’ll keep it in just for the reader to laugh at xD basically, word got out from his friends that I was sitting on one of my (female) friend’s lap.

This probably sounds really weird already. Let me explain. I’m not publicly out as Bisexual yet (the reason why? That’s a whole other post, but let’s just leave it at the fact that I’m terrified) and when I sat on my friends lap (she doesn’t know I’m Bi) it was literally just a joke, and I didn’t even give it  second thought. Well, he was talking to his friend and it was all fun and games ‘till they told him I was sitting on a girls lap the other day. His friends didn’t know I was Bi, but he sure as hell did. Apparently he got up and stormed out of the room. I wasn’t in the room at that time, I was outside just chilling with my friends and he looked at me and he was like “I need to talk to you, I just really need to talk to you” and gave me this dead serious look before storming away, throwing his bag down to the floor in the process. Gosh, he was pissed. Unrealistically pissed. So pissed, in fact, that I thought he was playing a prank on me, because we’re the type of couple that plays these weird pranks on each other a lot. I was shocked when I realised he wasn’t playing a prank. For a few minutes, we talked and we were dead serious. Not just dead serious, he was like I’d never seen him before. Jealous. Angry. Disappointed, at something I didn’t even give a second thought to. If I wasn’t Bisexual, he wouldn’t be angry. This was his natural response to me sitting on another girl’s lap, but I was so weirded out by the fact that I couldn’t see what was actually a very clear boundary for him. I had no way of knowing, he didn’t have any intention of telling me, and today it all got let out. We both got angry, and I asked him “do you really think I’d be that type of person to hurt you, to want to see you like this?” And he said “well, I thought you weren’t”. From then, all hell broke loose from my side. Surprisingly though we ended it by concluding that we still loved each other enough to admit that we both made mistakes and both deserved apologies. I’m still trying to get past the fight, because despite the fact that we differ so much, I really do love him. There was a moment, where I’d just finished the end of a long speech about how I never wanted to hurt him ever and how he was totally undermining the fact that he meant the world to me, where he was just really silent for a while, and the he opened his arms out and I just flew into them. We hadn’t officially made up yet, but in that moment I knew that like a strong couple we were going to get over it, I think venting just helped a lot. I already feel better 🙂 It’s only now that I realise that  when you’re in a relationship with someone who is your complete opposite, things get really tricky and you’ve got to learn to deal with that together ❤ I’ve had my fair share of drama for today (seriously, the whole grade was gossiping, I hate public fighting) and now I’m just gonna sign out and maybe hit the gym, get some coffee, read a book, and get over the fight so we can have a kickass date tomorrow. Yup. Thanks for listening, Internet.

xoxo

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