“Cutting Your Hair? What’s That Got To Do With Recovery?” (Pt 1)

Gosh, here I go with the weird, slightly cryptic titles again xD I’ve got my huge finals around the corner, piano exams coming up, and a relationship turning long distance anytime soon. Oh, I’ve also got recovery from self harm. So as you guys can imagine, it’s a a little rare for me to have a good day, y’know? Yesterday, I decided to cut off half of my long lazy curls and get a “lob” cut, and on a whim I decided “oh what the heck, throw in some blunt bangs” and now I’m dealing with the aftermath of this weird hair transformation. It makes me feel completely different, in a good way, and I feel like the impulse was more than just an impulse (am I reading into this?) This whole transformation thing was possibly and external reflection of the transformation I’m trying to make internally, the much tougher and less glamorous one- on the road to recovery from self harm.

When I first got the big cut, I did kind of regret it- I’m not going to lie. But waking up this morning, I felt somehow more confident fun and light. As though I was turning a new leaf. And I like the new me, the girl who wore her sunglasses with pride, walked down the street looking oh-s0-boho-chic, and most importantly, had a smile on her face. YAY! However, I’v yet to get through the weekend, and I’ve yet to show up to school on Monday: Nobody knows I’ve made this huge cut, so I’ll be getting tons of questions and looks, but I feel like I’m ready to do this! I’ll keep you guys updated on how the week with bangs goes, but I’m already loving it 🙂 I think what makes my bangs a particularly huge step towards my recovery is the fact that I loved to blend in so as to not be noticed- this was, for the large part, because of my scars. The logic I followed with this was that if nobody noticed me, nobody would notice my scars either. But now I’m ready to change that, and not be afraid o stand out. Fuck what they think about my scars, I’m healing and I can’t change that part of my past. I’m ready to stand out and j be noticed. I’m ready to get over my fear of judgement and the fear I have about my scars, I’m just ready to be normal again, and I’ve got to start somewhere, right? I hope that soon enough I’m able to take this change to heart ❤ l’ll keep the updates rolling in whenever I can, lol.

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4 comments

  1. hypokalemic25 · March 12, 2016

    I have lots of self harm scars from my past.
    I haven’t “covered up” in years – it gets easier and I don’t notice people treating me differently.
    We can’t expect other people to accept or understand self harm if those who have suffered it keep themselves in the shadows.

    Like

    • queertasticblog · March 13, 2016

      Its nice to talk to a fellow recoverer (is that even a word? xD) -hugs- you’re right, sometimes we just can’t expect understanding or even acceptance in some cases!

      Like

  2. rainyrins · April 10, 2016

    Last semester I was dealing with a lot of stress and pressure so I had that same impulse (you’re not alone!)
    I was like: cut my hair! (the shortest I’d had so far) oh and dye it! (despite the fact that I have never even dyed my hair before)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: Fifty Posts Later… | Queertastic

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