Gosh, here I go with the weird, slightly cryptic titles again xD I’ve got my huge finals around the corner, piano exams coming up, and a relationship turning long distance anytime soon. Oh, I’ve also got recovery from self harm. So as you guys can imagine, it’s a a little rare for me to have a good day, y’know? Yesterday, I decided to cut off half of my long lazy curls and get a “lob” cut, and on a whim I decided “oh what the heck, throw in some blunt bangs” and now I’m dealing with the aftermath of this weird hair transformation. It makes me feel completely different, in a good way, and I feel like the impulse was more than just an impulse (am I reading into this?) This whole transformation thing was possibly and external reflection of the transformation I’m trying to make internally, the much tougher and less glamorous one- on the road to recovery from self harm.
When I first got the big cut, I did kind of regret it- I’m not going to lie. But waking up this morning, I felt somehow more confident fun and light. As though I was turning a new leaf. And I like the new me, the girl who wore her sunglasses with pride, walked down the street looking oh-s0-boho-chic, and most importantly, had a smile on her face. YAY! However, I’v yet to get through the weekend, and I’ve yet to show up to school on Monday: Nobody knows I’ve made this huge cut, so I’ll be getting tons of questions and looks, but I feel like I’m ready to do this! I’ll keep you guys updated on how the week with bangs goes, but I’m already loving it 🙂 I think what makes my bangs a particularly huge step towards my recovery is the fact that I loved to blend in so as to not be noticed- this was, for the large part, because of my scars. The logic I followed with this was that if nobody noticed me, nobody would notice my scars either. But now I’m ready to change that, and not be afraid o stand out. Fuck what they think about my scars, I’m healing and I can’t change that part of my past. I’m ready to stand out and j be noticed. I’m ready to get over my fear of judgement and the fear I have about my scars, I’m just ready to be normal again, and I’ve got to start somewhere, right? I hope that soon enough I’m able to take this change to heart ❤ l’ll keep the updates rolling in whenever I can, lol.