So, like some of my other posts, the title of this one is probably really cryptic, isn’t it? Especially considering I’ve been bullied before. So, I hear you asking, “What the actual eff is she doing dating a bully?” Well, if you’re confused, don’t worry, ’cause trust me, I am too. And I’ve been confused for a very long time, it’s just occurred to me that I can go ahead and vent into the vast open internet. Long story short though, this post is gonna be a rant on me dating a guy who is apparently a “bully” (my friends just hate him and make it a point to tell me he sucks every single chance they get) but he’s actually super awesome and I think I’m in love with him (oops). So, this is gonna be a pretty weird rant of mine xD
I had a pretty sizable crush on this guy before we started dating, and we were pretty kick-ass friends. We’ve been dating for over a year now (yay!) and I’ve loved every day of it. He’s always just been amazing and caring towards me, and I honestly just love him and care about him a ton. So, it’s no surprise that it confuses me when everyone else in my life has the exact opposite opinion of him- they all find him a complete douchecanoue, (the word ‘douchecanoue’ is a favorite of mine, boy am I contributing to the world of etymology xD) my parents can’t stand him, and even people I’m not that close to are all telling me he absolutely sucks. (*sighs* they decided their opinion was absolutely required) And I just refuse to believe them, and who can blame me? Because on one side I see this wonderfully caring guy who constantly is looking out for me and has my back (he was the first one to say “I love you” in the relationship- that’s the kind of guy he is) He’s there when I need him, he’s always been respectful, and quite frankly he’s everything I need. he just makes me happy, he doesn’t have an ego with me, isn’t ever afraid to be the first to say sorry and just seems like the one. Yes, this is the same person who is, according to everyone else, a bad guy who’s constantly bullying people. But I just can’t get the thought to sink in that he’s a bad person. Guys, this is the same person who giggles like a little girl when we have tickle fights. The same guy who cried in front of me the day I had a self harm relapse. This is the guy I just completely adore. The guy I’ve considered spending the rest of my life with (I mean, if I’m being honest, I really would like that, but gah, that’s a whole other post so I won’t get too far into it right now). This is the guy who was so accepting when I came out as Bisexual, the guy who kept drawing butterflies to keep me from cutting myself. I just feel like if he’s a bad person, then this whole year’s been a lie. I just feel like nobody values how happy he makes me, as though nobody sees how happy we make each other. Because he makes me feel important, he’s the first person who’s ever made me feel like I’m his everything. The trouble seems to be that he’s nice to only me, and only nice around me, but goddamn I refuse to believe that, because he just has me in the palm of his hands. I can’t imagine him as a fundamentally bad person at all. That doesn’t mean I put him on a pedestal, either. He definitely has his flaws, and I’m not oblivious to them, I just accept them the way he accepts my flaws. Everyone seems to make him the villain of the story, but when I see his smile, the whole “bad boy” nonsense fades away, and all I think about is how awesome he is, and how lucky I am to have him and what an amazing person he is. Everyone else in the grade seemed rather skeptical about us getting together- I think it seemed strange to them that he’d be the type of guy to get a girlfriend. I think it seemed even stranger that the girlfriend he did get was me, the geeky shy bookworm who doesn’t really do much. Me and him, we’re complete opposites, and people often raised their surprised eyebrows at me when tell them how sweet he is (only because they ask intrusive questions like ‘is he sweet?’ or ‘did you guys reach second base yet?’ and I have to deflect them xD) Everyone else finds it hard to believe how sweet he is. I find it hard how nobody else seems to have seen his soft side yet.
There’s this quote (watch out, it’s a tumblr girl cliche) that goes- “every girl wants a bad boy who will be good just for her”. I’m not sure how far this reflects my situation, because he isn’t a “bad boy”, at least not completely. And I have never actually wanted a guy like that. But according to what everyone else has been saying, he’s only nice to me, i.e. I’ve got access to his soft side. But seriously, if he was that bad of a person, shouldn’t I have noticed a long, long, time ago? I like to think that I know him pretty well, because he knows me really well too, and I think that’s just the way the both of us work, we both know each other too well. I seriously doubt I’d have missed him being a bad person, to the extent everyone else says he is. Is it really that possible to be completely blinded by love? I highly doubt I’m that easy to blindside, especially in the long term. What makes the situation even stickier is that I can’t ever look at this from anyone else’s shoes, and nobody else can look at it from mine either, so I’m forced to go with my instinct. I highly doubt I’m blinded by love, but then again I can’t ever be sure because the only perspective I’ll ever be able to truly see it from is my own. I really, really, hope I’m not being blinded by love, and honestly I don’t think I am, but it’s just so impossible to tell. Are these just the words of an infatuated teenager who’s too blinded by love to see the other side of the story? Because I don’t see the big bad villain everyone is describing, I just see a lovable guy that means a lot to me. And, as I’ve mentioned previously, I love him. This is just such a huge conflict that’s always been at the back of my mind, and while writing about it is really nice, I’m not really sure where I’m going with this contrasting information about him. I’m just going to take my own advice here- he makes me happy, really happy. And I make him happy too, and he’s able to be himself around me, which I really appreciate (and kind of swoon over) because I’ll admit that I think it’s awesome to be that one person he can share his ‘other’ side with, presuming he has another side, I still think he’s pretty awesomesauce all the time anyways, but countless people would disagree. Not that I give a shit. Well, I’m trying not to. I love the way he is around me, and I think he’s actually made me a better person as well. And, screw the whole romance thing for a second, he’s a lot more than just my boyfriend, he’s always been an amazing friend. So, now I’m o a mission to stop caring what everyone else thinks about our relationship and just be happy. Because eventually things will clear up, or just fade into irrelevance. And when they do, maybe I’ll be heart broken, maybe I’ll be happier than I ever was before. That’s a risk I’m just going to have to take, I suppose.
Thank you for reading my rant, anonymous user! (if anyone read this at all, lol)